Not Strong Enough

One of the benefits of a long car ride with a Christian satellite radio station is that you are bound to hear a song or two that you haven't heard before. This benefit is coupled with the possibility of hearing a song that you have both a) never heard and b) speaks some truth to you in a rad way.

Wednesday's car ride provided just that for me. It was a song by Matthew West, called "Strong Enough." Here's a sampling of the lyrics:


I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough for the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

This song spoke a lot to me about my struggles of the previous couple months. There were times when I knew that I could not operate on my own strength and the only way that I was going to make it was through His strength. It was a minute-by-minute battle at times that I would have to actively surrender to Him and ask for His strength to sustain me. It was a period of sustained 'stretching' -- meaning that I felt continually exerted and fatigued both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But it was a great time, as my walk with the Lord became so beautiful and intimate. There were times where I knew that only through His strength would allow me to get through that day. And then I would pray the following morning for strength to get through that day... it was an encouraging way to start my day as opposed to wallowing in self-pity as a result of my unenviable circumstances.

An encouraging passage for me was in Exodus, when the Lord provides for the Israelites in crazy, supernatural ways. Leading them out of Egypt was gnarly in itself, but He loved them so much that He stuck with them knowing that they would fall away from Him. He even provided for them when they would grumble and complain against Him. In Exodus 16, the Lord provides manna for the Israelites six days out of the week (with the seventh being the Sabbath, so they would collect twice as much on the sixth day). The days before the Sabbath, some of the Israelites would get greedy and try to take extra and store it for the next day. However, the manna would be filled with bugs and would smell the next day. Therefore, the manna was only good for that day, and the next day required that day's manna to provide nourishment to the Israelites.

That passage in Exodus was encouraging to me because I knew with each morning, the Lord would provide me with manna to make it through that day. At times, I would pray for that manna on an hourly basis on a particularly bad day. It was encouraging to know that He was always there with me, each moment of the day and He was strengthening me for His ultimate glory. The critical thing to realize is that I could not rely on the manna of yesterday to get me through today, I needed to actively pursue the Lord in asking for manna for today. Because as the Israelites found out, the manna would only last for that one day and they would need to go out and collect to get nourishment for the next day. In the same sense, I needed the manna for the day or for the hour or for the minute and to continue pursuing Him the following day or hour or minute. As I said, it was a time of intense stretching, but one that I am thankful for, as it has done some great things in me.

I'm not finished yet, as I will require manna each day that He allows me to live on this earth. The pain has diminished significantly, but I realize that I need the Lord just as much everyday. Times of suffering are really sweet in the sense that they drive you closer to the Lord, but it is important to realize that even in 'good' times, we still need to actively engage our Lord. That is something that I have taken for granted for many years, and by His grace, I am growing in this area and realizing that He wants me to give up and lay my burdens on Him and to go through the day using the manna that He provided for me. I do believe at rock-bottom places, we can only look up to Him in our brokenness and trust that He is going to pull us out--which He absolutely will do for us if we call on His name and ask to be strengthened by His spirit.

It's funny how a song can stimulate all of these thoughts... but it was a song that spoke truth to me and it was wonderful to be reminded of how great our God is to take our burdens and He absolutely is strong enough for the two of us :)