10 months. Almost to the day. That's been how long I have been away from blogging on here.
In that time, I have done some crazy things that are shaping my future. I have forged a very serious relationship with my wonderful girlfriend, Lisa. Everything good is a gift from the Lord, and I have been extremely blessed to be in a relationship with her.
As a result of being in a serious relationship, I have come to the profound realization that I need to be right with Jesus before I am right with my girlfriend... this can be applied to any other relationship I have with anyone, both professionally and personally. Recently, this has dominated my thoughts. My relationship with the Lord is much different than it was a year ago, I now appreciate the importance of maintaining a close relationship with Him. In short, I have failed. More than once. As a result, my relationship with my family, friends, and girlfriend have suffered.
The Lord calls the man to be the spiritual head of the family, and to take ownership. If the couple enters into sin, the responsibility rests in the man, not the woman. As a result of the Fall of Man, men will have a difficulty to provide for their family, and their wives will not easily submit to their husband and will attempt to rule over him. While walking in the Flesh, this indeed has come to pass in my life. And as a result, I have lost my way with the Lord. The ramifications of that have been devastating... getting up early in the morning has been impossible [save for summer when I was compelled to by my morning shifts]. Therefore, my time spent with the Lord has grown to be obsolete in my life, as I am too busy once I finally do wake up to spend time with Him. Something is profoundly wrong with that, and it needs to change... or else I will be buried in the troubles I am bound to face.
I have recently been reading Proverbs, seeking words of wisdom. And let me tell you, there are plenty. Proverbs 24:32-34 has definitely been one that I need to look out for. In essence, these three verses demonstrate that it takes little for someone to become a sluggard. I don't want that, and as a result of my laziness, my time with the Lord has not been what it should be... especially because I am leading a woman and a bible study. How can I expect to lead either entity closer to the Lord if I am not walking daily with Him?
That is a question that a person in my position should not be asking... and it needs to change. And it can only come from the power of the Holy Spirit... not by my efforts, because time and time again it has not been enough.
Lord God, I realize I need more of you and less of me. Show me ways in which I can decrease, so that you can increase in my life. I am not happy with myself right now, and I pray that you would take those feelings away from me because that is the enemy trying to gain some influence on me. I pray against that O Lord. I ask you would fill me with Your Spirit so I can love like you have loved me... I cannot do this within myself and I admit that to you. I pray I can relinquish my hold on my life, and I can give myself to you and give you all of me, and not just the leftovers or what I feel like giving you that day. Convict me and lead me by Your Spirit. I pray your words of truth and of life would monumentally impact how I lead my life. Thank you for your death on the Cross, and thank you for allowing me to have that personal relationship with you. I pray all this in your name, amen.
This won't be my last post... I need this space to just unload my thoughts and to think/meditate on how fortunate and blessed I am to be in the position I am in. It is all for His glory, not mine and I trust that He will deliver me from this, I just need to trust Him more. Gnarly first post... more to come in due time.
