I'm currently reading a book, entitled Absolute Surrender, by Andrew Murray. He has a lot of depth of thought in each page, and so far I am loving it. Because of this book, it has me thinking and pondering about surrender. I titled this for this post, but i feel like I could start talking about other things as well, so bear with me if I do.
I find myself trying to jump and run before I can walk with regards to job searching. I want to rush and discover what the Lord's will is and then adjust to that immediately. I think He will bless me in this endeavor, but I'm not incredibly patient. The beautiful thing about living at home is that my living expenses have decreased dramatically. However, I do not want to remain at home for months on end because it is my ultimate desire to be fully independent. The next few months will be great to establish that platform, I just need to be patient and trust that He will provide. I'd prefer sooner rather than later... but we shall see.
Back to surrender... it takes a daily act for us to live in surrender. I want to satisfy and gratify my flesh on a daily, even hourly basis... whether its indulging in extra sleep or desiring to be idle, I have to pray daily for the full armor of God and His strength to aid me in my constant struggle to surrender to Him. Its funny how often I fail miserably, but there is a beautiful thing called grace, as He will raise me up on my feet to try again. And again.
Through time, I hope to be made holy by the Lord, so that I can be missional and love others sacrificially as He does so everyday. As a start, I'm trying to take full use of every opportunity given to me, and I know that He is ultimately sovereign over all.
This is a pretty random post, but that's okay since it is my blog. More to come later, perhaps.
19 April 2011
02 April 2011
Sunset with Lions?
So today was our last day at Thunder Ranch. After an early dinner, I wanted to cap off the relaxing last couple days with a nice hike to watch the sunset. I got a new lens before going on this trip, and I wanted another opportunity to try it out and get some cool shots. Out hiking in the wilderness to watch the sunset is slightly different than going along the beach to take in another beautiful scene... especially while alone. As I was on my way out with merely warm clothes, my camera, cell phone and a flash flight, Clint (the awesome man we had been filming the previous three days) stopped me in my tracks and proceeded to outfit me with a .44 magnum, extra ammo, and a long-range walkie talkie. He informed me they have had numerous mountain lion sightings and dusk is a prime time for them to go out looking for prey. Needless to say, I was a little nervous while embarking on my hike!
On the trail, the adventurous little boy in me was hoping to encounter a lion because then I could brag how I fended it off, but the more rational side of me figured it would be best just to make it back unscathed without having to defend myself. Initially, I wanted to do a prayer walk along with taking pictures. But upon being outfitted with a gun and with Clint admonishing me about the prevalence of mountain lions in the area, I felt it would be in my best interests to remain focused on the trail ahead and my periphery. As awesome as it is to go out and appreciate the Lord's creation, I didn't want to be careless and negligent and be unaware of my surroundings. In a sense, I was leaning on the Lord asking for His protection and for His will while I was on this hike!
On the primarily snow-covered trail there were tracks of all kinds, which made me a little bit weary about proceeding. Most of the tracks were easily identifiable as those of a deer of some kind, but there were some questionable tracks that were rather large and round... I'm not sure if those were the tracks of maybe a coyote of some kind, or indeed of a mountain lion. One set of tracks had small prints running along side those of a larger animal... so it could have been an adult lion with a cub. I'm thankful I did not find out for sure whose tracks those were. The more tracks I saw, the more intimidated I became because I figured with all the tracks there was bound to be a lot of animal activity. But I kept pressing on, and actually enjoyed taking a little bit of a risk.
I got to the top of the hill and was able to take in the sunset... it was nothing special, as I have seen dozens upon dozens of beautiful sunsets at Santa Barbara. But it was cool getting to be in what is known as the "Oregon Outback" with an element of danger of running into a mountain lion. Fortunately for me and for a mountain lion, I did not cross paths with any animals so everyone enjoyed a safe evening.
I'm not entirely sure the point of me blogging about this anti-climatical experience, but I gotta say it was a pretty cool feeling that Clint gave me the gun he uses to protect himself to protect me. Having a .44 mag across my chest felt pretty cool and it was rather exciting to take a risk and enjoy the sunset with the prospect of running into a mountain lion. Its just not something that happens too much!
The cool thing about partaking in that sunset is there was a certain rawness to it. I hope that doesn't sound too incredibly weird, but what I mean is that it was rather dangerous taking it all in. On a normal day, I don't have to worry about encountering any particular threat when I'm out in nature watching a sunset. Generally, there will be people around or it just won't be remote enough for threatening animals to be in close proximity. In this case, I was all alone, and had to rely on my senses to ensure I made it back safely. Maybe there were no lions about near where I was, but the potential of running into something wild was exciting and took me back to the days when the elements of the wild could easily overtake humans. I think that is where the rawness comes into play, I didn't take my safety for granted... as I so often do.
Even though I didn't pray or praise the Lord for as long as I wanted to, it was cool experiencing His creation is such a profound, refreshing way. And it felt pretty cool having the ability to protect myself with a .44 mag!
Oregon has been great, and it has been so much fun staying at Thunder Ranch with Clint and Heidi, they're great people and wonderful hosts. I'm looking forward to heading back home though, but first two fun-filled days in Mammoth!!
On the trail, the adventurous little boy in me was hoping to encounter a lion because then I could brag how I fended it off, but the more rational side of me figured it would be best just to make it back unscathed without having to defend myself. Initially, I wanted to do a prayer walk along with taking pictures. But upon being outfitted with a gun and with Clint admonishing me about the prevalence of mountain lions in the area, I felt it would be in my best interests to remain focused on the trail ahead and my periphery. As awesome as it is to go out and appreciate the Lord's creation, I didn't want to be careless and negligent and be unaware of my surroundings. In a sense, I was leaning on the Lord asking for His protection and for His will while I was on this hike!
On the primarily snow-covered trail there were tracks of all kinds, which made me a little bit weary about proceeding. Most of the tracks were easily identifiable as those of a deer of some kind, but there were some questionable tracks that were rather large and round... I'm not sure if those were the tracks of maybe a coyote of some kind, or indeed of a mountain lion. One set of tracks had small prints running along side those of a larger animal... so it could have been an adult lion with a cub. I'm thankful I did not find out for sure whose tracks those were. The more tracks I saw, the more intimidated I became because I figured with all the tracks there was bound to be a lot of animal activity. But I kept pressing on, and actually enjoyed taking a little bit of a risk.
I got to the top of the hill and was able to take in the sunset... it was nothing special, as I have seen dozens upon dozens of beautiful sunsets at Santa Barbara. But it was cool getting to be in what is known as the "Oregon Outback" with an element of danger of running into a mountain lion. Fortunately for me and for a mountain lion, I did not cross paths with any animals so everyone enjoyed a safe evening.
I'm not entirely sure the point of me blogging about this anti-climatical experience, but I gotta say it was a pretty cool feeling that Clint gave me the gun he uses to protect himself to protect me. Having a .44 mag across my chest felt pretty cool and it was rather exciting to take a risk and enjoy the sunset with the prospect of running into a mountain lion. Its just not something that happens too much!
The cool thing about partaking in that sunset is there was a certain rawness to it. I hope that doesn't sound too incredibly weird, but what I mean is that it was rather dangerous taking it all in. On a normal day, I don't have to worry about encountering any particular threat when I'm out in nature watching a sunset. Generally, there will be people around or it just won't be remote enough for threatening animals to be in close proximity. In this case, I was all alone, and had to rely on my senses to ensure I made it back safely. Maybe there were no lions about near where I was, but the potential of running into something wild was exciting and took me back to the days when the elements of the wild could easily overtake humans. I think that is where the rawness comes into play, I didn't take my safety for granted... as I so often do.
Even though I didn't pray or praise the Lord for as long as I wanted to, it was cool experiencing His creation is such a profound, refreshing way. And it felt pretty cool having the ability to protect myself with a .44 mag!
Oregon has been great, and it has been so much fun staying at Thunder Ranch with Clint and Heidi, they're great people and wonderful hosts. I'm looking forward to heading back home though, but first two fun-filled days in Mammoth!!
01 April 2011
Not Strong Enough
One of the benefits of a long car ride with a Christian satellite radio station is that you are bound to hear a song or two that you haven't heard before. This benefit is coupled with the possibility of hearing a song that you have both a) never heard and b) speaks some truth to you in a rad way.
Wednesday's car ride provided just that for me. It was a song by Matthew West, called "Strong Enough." Here's a sampling of the lyrics:
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough for the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
This song spoke a lot to me about my struggles of the previous couple months. There were times when I knew that I could not operate on my own strength and the only way that I was going to make it was through His strength. It was a minute-by-minute battle at times that I would have to actively surrender to Him and ask for His strength to sustain me. It was a period of sustained 'stretching' -- meaning that I felt continually exerted and fatigued both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But it was a great time, as my walk with the Lord became so beautiful and intimate. There were times where I knew that only through His strength would allow me to get through that day. And then I would pray the following morning for strength to get through that day... it was an encouraging way to start my day as opposed to wallowing in self-pity as a result of my unenviable circumstances.
An encouraging passage for me was in Exodus, when the Lord provides for the Israelites in crazy, supernatural ways. Leading them out of Egypt was gnarly in itself, but He loved them so much that He stuck with them knowing that they would fall away from Him. He even provided for them when they would grumble and complain against Him. In Exodus 16, the Lord provides manna for the Israelites six days out of the week (with the seventh being the Sabbath, so they would collect twice as much on the sixth day). The days before the Sabbath, some of the Israelites would get greedy and try to take extra and store it for the next day. However, the manna would be filled with bugs and would smell the next day. Therefore, the manna was only good for that day, and the next day required that day's manna to provide nourishment to the Israelites.
That passage in Exodus was encouraging to me because I knew with each morning, the Lord would provide me with manna to make it through that day. At times, I would pray for that manna on an hourly basis on a particularly bad day. It was encouraging to know that He was always there with me, each moment of the day and He was strengthening me for His ultimate glory. The critical thing to realize is that I could not rely on the manna of yesterday to get me through today, I needed to actively pursue the Lord in asking for manna for today. Because as the Israelites found out, the manna would only last for that one day and they would need to go out and collect to get nourishment for the next day. In the same sense, I needed the manna for the day or for the hour or for the minute and to continue pursuing Him the following day or hour or minute. As I said, it was a time of intense stretching, but one that I am thankful for, as it has done some great things in me.
I'm not finished yet, as I will require manna each day that He allows me to live on this earth. The pain has diminished significantly, but I realize that I need the Lord just as much everyday. Times of suffering are really sweet in the sense that they drive you closer to the Lord, but it is important to realize that even in 'good' times, we still need to actively engage our Lord. That is something that I have taken for granted for many years, and by His grace, I am growing in this area and realizing that He wants me to give up and lay my burdens on Him and to go through the day using the manna that He provided for me. I do believe at rock-bottom places, we can only look up to Him in our brokenness and trust that He is going to pull us out--which He absolutely will do for us if we call on His name and ask to be strengthened by His spirit.
It's funny how a song can stimulate all of these thoughts... but it was a song that spoke truth to me and it was wonderful to be reminded of how great our God is to take our burdens and He absolutely is strong enough for the two of us :)
Wednesday's car ride provided just that for me. It was a song by Matthew West, called "Strong Enough." Here's a sampling of the lyrics:
I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough for the both of us
Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out
This song spoke a lot to me about my struggles of the previous couple months. There were times when I knew that I could not operate on my own strength and the only way that I was going to make it was through His strength. It was a minute-by-minute battle at times that I would have to actively surrender to Him and ask for His strength to sustain me. It was a period of sustained 'stretching' -- meaning that I felt continually exerted and fatigued both emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But it was a great time, as my walk with the Lord became so beautiful and intimate. There were times where I knew that only through His strength would allow me to get through that day. And then I would pray the following morning for strength to get through that day... it was an encouraging way to start my day as opposed to wallowing in self-pity as a result of my unenviable circumstances.
An encouraging passage for me was in Exodus, when the Lord provides for the Israelites in crazy, supernatural ways. Leading them out of Egypt was gnarly in itself, but He loved them so much that He stuck with them knowing that they would fall away from Him. He even provided for them when they would grumble and complain against Him. In Exodus 16, the Lord provides manna for the Israelites six days out of the week (with the seventh being the Sabbath, so they would collect twice as much on the sixth day). The days before the Sabbath, some of the Israelites would get greedy and try to take extra and store it for the next day. However, the manna would be filled with bugs and would smell the next day. Therefore, the manna was only good for that day, and the next day required that day's manna to provide nourishment to the Israelites.
That passage in Exodus was encouraging to me because I knew with each morning, the Lord would provide me with manna to make it through that day. At times, I would pray for that manna on an hourly basis on a particularly bad day. It was encouraging to know that He was always there with me, each moment of the day and He was strengthening me for His ultimate glory. The critical thing to realize is that I could not rely on the manna of yesterday to get me through today, I needed to actively pursue the Lord in asking for manna for today. Because as the Israelites found out, the manna would only last for that one day and they would need to go out and collect to get nourishment for the next day. In the same sense, I needed the manna for the day or for the hour or for the minute and to continue pursuing Him the following day or hour or minute. As I said, it was a time of intense stretching, but one that I am thankful for, as it has done some great things in me.
I'm not finished yet, as I will require manna each day that He allows me to live on this earth. The pain has diminished significantly, but I realize that I need the Lord just as much everyday. Times of suffering are really sweet in the sense that they drive you closer to the Lord, but it is important to realize that even in 'good' times, we still need to actively engage our Lord. That is something that I have taken for granted for many years, and by His grace, I am growing in this area and realizing that He wants me to give up and lay my burdens on Him and to go through the day using the manna that He provided for me. I do believe at rock-bottom places, we can only look up to Him in our brokenness and trust that He is going to pull us out--which He absolutely will do for us if we call on His name and ask to be strengthened by His spirit.
It's funny how a song can stimulate all of these thoughts... but it was a song that spoke truth to me and it was wonderful to be reminded of how great our God is to take our burdens and He absolutely is strong enough for the two of us :)
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