I'm going to label today a landmark day for me. I woke up at 4:00 am, went to Reality Carp at 7:45 and felt a radical change in my walk with the Lord. It was awesome. As I mentioned in my previous post, I had been doing some real soul searching and seeking the Lord more fervently than I ever have. Since my dating relationship has ended, I have been pressing into Jesus on a daily basis multiple times a day. It has been awesome and I am experiencing transformation in my heart that I hope continues. I want to be aggressive with my pursuit of Jesus, not passive and lukewarm.
Anyway, today was a really sweet day today. As I said, I woke up pretty darn early to head to church today. For those of you who know me, waking up earlier than 9 is a struggle for me... maybe even 10. However, I felt called to sacrifice my sleep and get up to Carp to worship the Lord.
The message centered on Joy in Gospel Peace (Relational Peace), found in Philippians 4:1-9. It was a great message and was super convicting for me. It was great that it focused on relationships, as I mentioned I have been having a hard time with my relationship with my girlfriend ending. It was super convicting because during the relationship, I did not have my joy centered around the person of Jesus and knowing that I am accepted by God because of His death on the Cross... even though I did nothing to deserve this acceptance. In fact, I have done so many bad things I really do deserve death, as it is written the wages of sin are death. However, Christ sacrificed Himself for each and every one of us so that we could have eternal life... which is gnarly!!! Anyway, my joy should have come from that and my citizenship is in heaven... meaning that the circumstances and trials here on earth are not it for me, but when I leave this earth there will be no more sorrow and pain, but the joy of getting to be with Jesus!!
I unknowingly used my dating relationship as a source of joy... sometimes even taking the place of my joy in the Lord, which is in fact idolatry. When the relationship was going well, I was super happy. Like really happy. However, when it was going bad, as it had been for the past few months unfortunately, I felt deprived of joy and very down. This was sinful, and therefore it made it exceedingly difficult for me to assume my role as the man in the relationship and lead it towards Christ.
I was convicted today because I was not going to the author of Joy, Love, Peace, and Self-Control, I was going to a relationship that involved two sinful people for joy. I didn't do this all the time, but I did do it at crucial times, which is not okay. My peace should have come from Him alone as well.
One of the points of the message was that if you are idolizing something (turning something, even a good thing, into a God thing or loving it more than God) and you are using that relationship, or bank account, or title to bring you joy, you are on shaky ground. When those things are taken away, you are left shaken and your joy would disappear. However, if your joy and love and satisfaction and peace are found in the Lord, when you encounter suffering and difficultly (which we all will undoubtedly struggle with as we live in a fallen world) you are still joyful and peaceful knowing that He is in control and He will make all things for His glory ultimately. This is a crazy point, but one that hit home for me.
After hearing the message, during worship I got down on my knees and had such a surreal experience with His Spirit. I felt so comforted and warm and at peace. I'm praying the peace of the Lord will transcend my understanding and I will walk in His grace each day I am alotted on this earth.
These two posts were needed and I feel better after typing this all out. I love journaling, but I cannot write nearly as fast as I type so that poses unique problems. I am happy I was able to post today, and now it is time to focus on my readings for my last three classes in college! Crazy!
Love you all who read this!
09 January 2011
2011... A Defining Year
It's been a long time since I've been on here, part of the reason for that is that I have been keeping a journal that I have been pretty consistent with since the beginning of November. It would be a challenge for me to journal and turn around and blog as well. Journaling has been great, I have struggled with consistency in that area for a long time. However, the upturn in my journaliing reflects the conditions that I have found myself in.
In the past couple months, I have been enduring the difficulty of losing my relationship with my longtime girlfriend. In the height of our relationship, we discussed very serious topics such as our futures together after college and we were even discussing marriage plans. However, the Lord wanted something different for each of us, and after a few weeks of stubbornness I think we are now in obedience to His will. The last couple months have been very trying, but good because I have been pressing into the Lord.
Over these past couple months I have learned some very important lessons, albeit the hard way. Very hard way actually.
I've learned how important it is to never be content or stagnate in my relationship with God. The past few weeks I have zeroed in on that truth, and I have been craving the Lord more each day, as I need more of His grace and strength to get me through each day. It has been hard though, as I am struggling to surrender my life to Him and trust Him fully. It is a daily battle for me to die to myself so that I could live in Christ. Some days or even some periods of the day that seems so beneficial and easy, while other times it is exceedingly difficult. I've been struggling with that over the past week, but I'm seeking His guidance and His will in this area of my life so that I may discover my purpose here on this earth.
It has been difficult for me to accept these conditions because I feel that I have been enlightened to a certain degree on what it looks like to pursue a woman in a Godly way and in a way that makes her feel special and loved. However, if it were not for the difficulties of the past two months, I would not be in this place I am today and might still be in a relationship where we continually hurt one another because the relationship was not existing for His glory.
I trust Him though... I can say that with absolute certainty. I do not have all the answers, nor will I ever claim that, but I do know that my plans are in His hands and He has all the answers.
As a result of all this hurt and pain caused by this relationship, I can honestly say I am joyful in the Lord that it happened. It stings a lot, but I realize I am a better man because of it. I now appreciate the significance of surrendering my will to His will. I'm not completely sure what that will look like on a daily basis, but I'm praying for His spirit to enrich my understanding and intimacy with Him. I think that is a start.
Oh Lord, keep me close to You. Have your way with me. Let my last quarter at UCSB reflect your glory.
In the past couple months, I have been enduring the difficulty of losing my relationship with my longtime girlfriend. In the height of our relationship, we discussed very serious topics such as our futures together after college and we were even discussing marriage plans. However, the Lord wanted something different for each of us, and after a few weeks of stubbornness I think we are now in obedience to His will. The last couple months have been very trying, but good because I have been pressing into the Lord.
Over these past couple months I have learned some very important lessons, albeit the hard way. Very hard way actually.
I've learned how important it is to never be content or stagnate in my relationship with God. The past few weeks I have zeroed in on that truth, and I have been craving the Lord more each day, as I need more of His grace and strength to get me through each day. It has been hard though, as I am struggling to surrender my life to Him and trust Him fully. It is a daily battle for me to die to myself so that I could live in Christ. Some days or even some periods of the day that seems so beneficial and easy, while other times it is exceedingly difficult. I've been struggling with that over the past week, but I'm seeking His guidance and His will in this area of my life so that I may discover my purpose here on this earth.
It has been difficult for me to accept these conditions because I feel that I have been enlightened to a certain degree on what it looks like to pursue a woman in a Godly way and in a way that makes her feel special and loved. However, if it were not for the difficulties of the past two months, I would not be in this place I am today and might still be in a relationship where we continually hurt one another because the relationship was not existing for His glory.
I trust Him though... I can say that with absolute certainty. I do not have all the answers, nor will I ever claim that, but I do know that my plans are in His hands and He has all the answers.
As a result of all this hurt and pain caused by this relationship, I can honestly say I am joyful in the Lord that it happened. It stings a lot, but I realize I am a better man because of it. I now appreciate the significance of surrendering my will to His will. I'm not completely sure what that will look like on a daily basis, but I'm praying for His spirit to enrich my understanding and intimacy with Him. I think that is a start.
Oh Lord, keep me close to You. Have your way with me. Let my last quarter at UCSB reflect your glory.
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