Well my first day of college is in the books. And what an interesting day it was.
My day couldn't have started off any more inspiring, I went to church at my new home and had a SUPERB service! The worship was on par as the best I had ever been apart of, and I am going to have that privledge week after week after week. So that is certainly a huge plus. The college group leaders came over and talked to me and they seemed really nice and sincere, so I'm gonna love it I think.
Then afterward we began the move-in process... which lasted from about 1:00 to almost 5:00. Blah. My roommate had the poorest of first impressions that I've ever had with anybody... greatttt. He comandeered the desk and bed that were right by the window and pouted when my dad and I suggested that some changes needed to be made. Talk about immature.
After saying goodbyes, it truly hit me that I'm on my own and its up to me to make things roll my direction. Boy oh boy I have no idea how hard this is gonna be. I'm going to need to relay on God more now then ever before. I'm here to learn and get my degree, not to make shallow friends. Shallow friends being those who will only hang with me if I share a shot with them. So, it going to be very rough taking the high road and at this point I hope I can last.
Oh, and my first priceless "freshman" moment happened today... I left my room to brush my teeth and discovered I left without my friggin keys. So I had the embarassment of walking down to the lobby to retrieve a spare set. I only get three of these per quarter, and I've wasted my first on my first night.
Well I'm going to go to bed, I'm lonely in my dorm room, my roommate is off somewhere and I'm sure he's charming the room wherever he is.
Good night from the rockin confines of San Nic Res hall.
24 September 2007
22 September 2007
Last Cup of Coffee
Well, the day has arrived... I'm leaving for SB. I'm enjoying my last cup of coffee in my favorite coffee cup for awhile. If you were wondering I have a coffee cup with the "Scribbles" logo on it, a restaurant down in El Centro that my dad designed the logo for. My room is all clean and cleared out, and it feels really nice. I cant wait to come back to SD already, but Thanksgiving isn't too far off.
So in about 90 minutes, we'll have started our two-car caravan up the coast. Of course we'll be dealing with rain, so that will make the trip all the more...interesting. I hope we'll make it up okay, as I'm sure we will. God will be watching over us the whole trip.
I'm a little nervous to say the least, after we get up there I have an interview with a Fraternity, SigEp, and hopefully I'll win the scholarship they have to offer. Though I have no clue what the amount is, and I'm not planning on asking either... seems to be a classless thing to do. I'm not planning on rushing this year, but maybe next year after I have awhile to feel things out
Well I'll keep this short and sweet for now. But you can expect my next blog to come from the new place of endless opportunity and unbelievable adventure... The University of California, Santa Barbara.
Farewell for now and stay dry!
So in about 90 minutes, we'll have started our two-car caravan up the coast. Of course we'll be dealing with rain, so that will make the trip all the more...interesting. I hope we'll make it up okay, as I'm sure we will. God will be watching over us the whole trip.
I'm a little nervous to say the least, after we get up there I have an interview with a Fraternity, SigEp, and hopefully I'll win the scholarship they have to offer. Though I have no clue what the amount is, and I'm not planning on asking either... seems to be a classless thing to do. I'm not planning on rushing this year, but maybe next year after I have awhile to feel things out
Well I'll keep this short and sweet for now. But you can expect my next blog to come from the new place of endless opportunity and unbelievable adventure... The University of California, Santa Barbara.
Farewell for now and stay dry!
16 September 2007
Dealing with Insecurities
So late last night (saturday night) I was awake. Big shocker, I know. And I was praying out to God because I have been so unbelievably insecure these past few days. Like big time.
I've waited the entire summer (which has been quite a loooooonnnnggg one) to head to SB and now it is less than a week away. I do not feel ready emotionally or physically... even literally as there are still some lingering items I need to purchase. So the past few days, I have been trudging in a gloom of downright despair because I feel so insecure in myself and my ability to make a difference at SB.
In an "ideal" frame of mind, I would launch an assault for straight A's in the classroom, working to pay off the ridiculous fees of college, actively immersing myself in a few interesting clubs, pursuing different intramural activities, and taking a vehement stance against partying. That is quite a list, and I know it's downright impossible.
So last night, I was crying out to God because one lingering insecurity has left the rest of me in self-made bonds: what in the world has God called me to do? I have no idea, the list above are ideals I would like to pursue, but who knows what I'll be able to accomplish.
I went to bed unsatisified. God didn't appear out of a burning bush in my room to tell me what His plans are for me. I didn't feel anything from him on any level whatsoever. I felt alone and... insecure. But as His way goes, our teachin pastor at Journey, Ed, based his message on this very topic in relation to Moses. And boy oh boy did that shake me a good one.
Ed made some great points and identified five "movements" that we could make in an effort to discover and pursue our calling. He made references to God's calling of Moses while he endured 40 years in the desert.
1. Turning Aside (Exodus 3:3) -- Moses sees the burning bush in the desert and deliberately turns towards God and asks the question: How can it not be God? Not, how can it be God? There is a difference in the two questions, and by asking the first, we are in fact affirming God.
2. Moses was Called By God, To God, For God. (Exodus 3:5-8) God knew for eons of years that he would use Moses to take his chosen people into "a land flowing with milk and honey." Moses had no idea that day would forever change his life, and because he turned aside, we know the story.
3. Working throught the "Why Nots" (Exodus 3:10-12 & 14) -- This perturbing fact of my life that I had been dealing with the night before, surfaced in the middle of Ed's message. How awesome God is! When Moses is having doubts about the rebuking attitude he surely would face, God simply told him "certainly I will be with you." This was the most stirring moment of the morning for me, because I realize Jesus faced the same ridicule from people everywhere he went, even though he was producing the most magnificent miracles this world had ever seen. So in my life, I am going to have to somehow get tuned in to God and know He is with me. I still don't know what my calling is at SB, but whatever it is, God will be with me... every single step of the way. That thought in itself certainly helps eliminate my insecurities.
Ed identified two more steps, but in order for me to coherently be aware of what I'm talking about, I'm going to have to call it a night. Hopefully I can finish this in the morning.
Jade out.
I've waited the entire summer (which has been quite a loooooonnnnggg one) to head to SB and now it is less than a week away. I do not feel ready emotionally or physically... even literally as there are still some lingering items I need to purchase. So the past few days, I have been trudging in a gloom of downright despair because I feel so insecure in myself and my ability to make a difference at SB.
In an "ideal" frame of mind, I would launch an assault for straight A's in the classroom, working to pay off the ridiculous fees of college, actively immersing myself in a few interesting clubs, pursuing different intramural activities, and taking a vehement stance against partying. That is quite a list, and I know it's downright impossible.
So last night, I was crying out to God because one lingering insecurity has left the rest of me in self-made bonds: what in the world has God called me to do? I have no idea, the list above are ideals I would like to pursue, but who knows what I'll be able to accomplish.
I went to bed unsatisified. God didn't appear out of a burning bush in my room to tell me what His plans are for me. I didn't feel anything from him on any level whatsoever. I felt alone and... insecure. But as His way goes, our teachin pastor at Journey, Ed, based his message on this very topic in relation to Moses. And boy oh boy did that shake me a good one.
Ed made some great points and identified five "movements" that we could make in an effort to discover and pursue our calling. He made references to God's calling of Moses while he endured 40 years in the desert.
1. Turning Aside (Exodus 3:3) -- Moses sees the burning bush in the desert and deliberately turns towards God and asks the question: How can it not be God? Not, how can it be God? There is a difference in the two questions, and by asking the first, we are in fact affirming God.
2. Moses was Called By God, To God, For God. (Exodus 3:5-8) God knew for eons of years that he would use Moses to take his chosen people into "a land flowing with milk and honey." Moses had no idea that day would forever change his life, and because he turned aside, we know the story.
3. Working throught the "Why Nots" (Exodus 3:10-12 & 14) -- This perturbing fact of my life that I had been dealing with the night before, surfaced in the middle of Ed's message. How awesome God is! When Moses is having doubts about the rebuking attitude he surely would face, God simply told him "certainly I will be with you." This was the most stirring moment of the morning for me, because I realize Jesus faced the same ridicule from people everywhere he went, even though he was producing the most magnificent miracles this world had ever seen. So in my life, I am going to have to somehow get tuned in to God and know He is with me. I still don't know what my calling is at SB, but whatever it is, God will be with me... every single step of the way. That thought in itself certainly helps eliminate my insecurities.
Ed identified two more steps, but in order for me to coherently be aware of what I'm talking about, I'm going to have to call it a night. Hopefully I can finish this in the morning.
Jade out.
10 September 2007
All Fired Up...
In the last twenty-four hours or so reality has struck like a stray bolt of lightning... I'll be in SB real soon. 11 days from now. And last week I received a special issue of our campus newspaper, The Daily Nexus (which is a pretty cool name I think), the contents of which were pretty darn close to explicit. In the "Opinion" Colunms of the newspaper, the glorious "F" word is used a couple times, which in my "opinion" is a really crappy way to introduce people to your university.
After reading some of the articles, I literally almost started panicking. This of course did not happen cause we were on our way up to Disneyland, which afterall is the Happiest Place on Earth. So I have been able to stew over this the last two days and right now I'm ready to tackle someone. I know colleges all around function similar to this, anywhere can have a party scene. In my opinion people are just getting carried away and showing their foolishness. Maybe people that got into both Berkeley and SB chose Berkeley because if they'd be partying it would with "smarter" people.
In my mind, why would somebody get so drunk that they cannot remember what they did the night before? In one of the articles I read they said it would be great idea to get totally hammered and find a hot date for the night. After that one night, they recommend just to say hi to the hot date and to not think anything of committment... which seems so immoral and pointless (I'm being very euphemistic in depicting the article by the way). It's a frame of mind that I'll be in contact with everyday. I'm sure people will be tempting me with all sorts of things, but that is not how my parents raised me and, frankly, I don't want to be like that.
Taking the "High" road is what Christianity is all about, to me. It would be easier to go parties and be immoral than to be real with people and have a good time without any additves. I have never taken the easy way through anything... heck I've dated totally complicated girls when I surely could have had a more easy-going relationship.
So I have had a few revelations about this whole new playing field:
A) Obviously, I can't side-step the issue of partying. People have asked me if I could join them to party in the past, but it was never as realistic as it is now. I am going to be truly tested, and I am going to need my faith with me at all times to weather this test. I am not going to get totally hammered to gain acceptance from others. I have never acted like that, and I don't plan to.
B) This is a trivial situation. Really it is. There are so many more difficult things that lie in store for me in my future. If I can accomplish this whole not-partying thing, it will be such a boost in morale to overcome my next 'impossible' hurdle. I will be coming in contact where people have drank, smoked, and 'been around.' I havent come close to experiencing any of that on any level whatsoever, so to some people my morals will not be as important to them.
C) So, above all else I need to keep my head above water and to not sink into the blackhole of lust and temptation. I use the term blackhole because it is in my belief, once you join in, its beyond hard to get out. That is why so many people do what they do, they don't see a reason to stop now since they've done it before and now its expected of them. It's sad. And I have seen it with my own eyes, I wish it didn't have to be like this.
D) Prolly the most important point and the one I thought of before starting this blog tonight. My trump card of reality. Ready? Cause I'm not sure if I'm ready to write it down as thoughts are whirling in my head (Oh by the way I get my haircut this Wednesday. Haha). Okay before my dumb late-night humor ruins the moment. Jesus. Hope you didn't miss it, but Jesus is my trump card of trump cards. Our God-man beared all the sins of the world on his shoulders and he did not crack. He was tempted by Satan, and he did not crack. He listened to his Father's voice and surrendered himself to His will... and he did not crack.
Jesus is the key and I need him as my Rock, my Sword, and my Shield to keep my pure in my pursuits to succeed at SB. He was able to deal with so, so much through his faith in his heavenly father and if I can show just a smidgen of the same faith, I think I'll be happy with the end result.
Well I may be on to something, I dunno. I guess we'll find out won't we. Well another day is coming and going and I need to sleep sleep sleep. I'm getting up early tomorrow too, hopefully.
Hasta luego for now
After reading some of the articles, I literally almost started panicking. This of course did not happen cause we were on our way up to Disneyland, which afterall is the Happiest Place on Earth. So I have been able to stew over this the last two days and right now I'm ready to tackle someone. I know colleges all around function similar to this, anywhere can have a party scene. In my opinion people are just getting carried away and showing their foolishness. Maybe people that got into both Berkeley and SB chose Berkeley because if they'd be partying it would with "smarter" people.
In my mind, why would somebody get so drunk that they cannot remember what they did the night before? In one of the articles I read they said it would be great idea to get totally hammered and find a hot date for the night. After that one night, they recommend just to say hi to the hot date and to not think anything of committment... which seems so immoral and pointless (I'm being very euphemistic in depicting the article by the way). It's a frame of mind that I'll be in contact with everyday. I'm sure people will be tempting me with all sorts of things, but that is not how my parents raised me and, frankly, I don't want to be like that.
Taking the "High" road is what Christianity is all about, to me. It would be easier to go parties and be immoral than to be real with people and have a good time without any additves. I have never taken the easy way through anything... heck I've dated totally complicated girls when I surely could have had a more easy-going relationship.
So I have had a few revelations about this whole new playing field:
A) Obviously, I can't side-step the issue of partying. People have asked me if I could join them to party in the past, but it was never as realistic as it is now. I am going to be truly tested, and I am going to need my faith with me at all times to weather this test. I am not going to get totally hammered to gain acceptance from others. I have never acted like that, and I don't plan to.
B) This is a trivial situation. Really it is. There are so many more difficult things that lie in store for me in my future. If I can accomplish this whole not-partying thing, it will be such a boost in morale to overcome my next 'impossible' hurdle. I will be coming in contact where people have drank, smoked, and 'been around.' I havent come close to experiencing any of that on any level whatsoever, so to some people my morals will not be as important to them.
C) So, above all else I need to keep my head above water and to not sink into the blackhole of lust and temptation. I use the term blackhole because it is in my belief, once you join in, its beyond hard to get out. That is why so many people do what they do, they don't see a reason to stop now since they've done it before and now its expected of them. It's sad. And I have seen it with my own eyes, I wish it didn't have to be like this.
D) Prolly the most important point and the one I thought of before starting this blog tonight. My trump card of reality. Ready? Cause I'm not sure if I'm ready to write it down as thoughts are whirling in my head (Oh by the way I get my haircut this Wednesday. Haha). Okay before my dumb late-night humor ruins the moment. Jesus. Hope you didn't miss it, but Jesus is my trump card of trump cards. Our God-man beared all the sins of the world on his shoulders and he did not crack. He was tempted by Satan, and he did not crack. He listened to his Father's voice and surrendered himself to His will... and he did not crack.
Jesus is the key and I need him as my Rock, my Sword, and my Shield to keep my pure in my pursuits to succeed at SB. He was able to deal with so, so much through his faith in his heavenly father and if I can show just a smidgen of the same faith, I think I'll be happy with the end result.
Well I may be on to something, I dunno. I guess we'll find out won't we. Well another day is coming and going and I need to sleep sleep sleep. I'm getting up early tomorrow too, hopefully.
Hasta luego for now
06 September 2007
How Fortuitis Am I?
Well it has been so long since i last blogged I had to tinker around to remember my password to log in here. But luckily with my smarts I remembered it and a calamity was avoided.
So in the last week I learned the identity of my future roommate and I had the opportunity to talk to him yesterday. In terms of a typical roommate (not that I can identify what a 'typical' roommate is) he sounds below average. Which, in a number of ways, is a miracle. He seemed shy and really nice, which is the best I could have hoped for. I don't think he seems the type to get wasted at any given opportunity so that works unbelievably well for me. I'm looking forward to it, I can't believe its only a mere two weeks away. It almost seems unreal. Almost.
For today's blog I'm gonna . Life itself is brutal. Over half the planet lives in poverish conditions to our own, and for most of us, we don't even bat an eye at its existence. I, too, am at fault as well... I could care less at times that other people go home to a shack where food is a luxury. Every night. I have developed the "me, me, me," mentality and it is very selfish but I sleep well at night cause it doesn't directly affect me on any personal level. It's funny how I can complain about minute things (aka not enough 'good' food in the fridge) whereas so many others would scoff at that opportunity.
I don't know how or why I deserve to live in this country, it truly is luck of the draw. A lifetime stroke of good fortune. Wow.
Digging into the deep so far has consisted of me ranting and raving about different things that I have been stewing on lately but I probably will have more "entertaining" things to say once I begin my college experience. I really see this place as a way to let off excess steam and hopefully I'll use this as a tool to express myself.
Time will measure how useful this will be to me. I best be getting back to cleaning my room. Blah.
Another blog tomorrow? We'll See!
So in the last week I learned the identity of my future roommate and I had the opportunity to talk to him yesterday. In terms of a typical roommate (not that I can identify what a 'typical' roommate is) he sounds below average. Which, in a number of ways, is a miracle. He seemed shy and really nice, which is the best I could have hoped for. I don't think he seems the type to get wasted at any given opportunity so that works unbelievably well for me. I'm looking forward to it, I can't believe its only a mere two weeks away. It almost seems unreal. Almost.
For today's blog I'm gonna . Life itself is brutal. Over half the planet lives in poverish conditions to our own, and for most of us, we don't even bat an eye at its existence. I, too, am at fault as well... I could care less at times that other people go home to a shack where food is a luxury. Every night. I have developed the "me, me, me," mentality and it is very selfish but I sleep well at night cause it doesn't directly affect me on any personal level. It's funny how I can complain about minute things (aka not enough 'good' food in the fridge) whereas so many others would scoff at that opportunity.
I don't know how or why I deserve to live in this country, it truly is luck of the draw. A lifetime stroke of good fortune. Wow.
Digging into the deep so far has consisted of me ranting and raving about different things that I have been stewing on lately but I probably will have more "entertaining" things to say once I begin my college experience. I really see this place as a way to let off excess steam and hopefully I'll use this as a tool to express myself.
Time will measure how useful this will be to me. I best be getting back to cleaning my room. Blah.
Another blog tomorrow? We'll See!
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