The search for Consistency

This past week has been gnarly. From a week ago to now, I feel that I have been on a considerable tiresome journey. I'm being tested, monumentally. Often, I pray to the Lord that He would grow me in patience and having grace for others. The funny thing about that prayer is patience and love and grace is not easily acquired. When I pray for these things, the Lord does not all of a sudden magically grant me these faculties as if I rubbed a rubbed an antique lamp with a genie. These gifts are only acquired through trial and perseverance. It's easy to love and have grace or patience for somebody when you are on good terms with that person, but when things 'go south' and quickly escalate out of nothing, then these are tested.

Because of this, I consider myself ironically foolish. Of course I would love to grow in the Lord and in my walk with Him by honoring Him by loving others as myself, but it is exceedingly difficult. With His grace, I am growing in this, but ever so slowly. I consider myself foolish on account of my repeated stubbornness in praying for those things because I am tested. This is tested by coworkers who cuss me out, annoying drivers on the freeway, rude people in classes, and of course personal relationships with friends and family.

As I mentioned previously, this has been a tough week. A good week though nonetheless. My sister came up to SB this weekend, which was awesome! I loved getting to see her and I am so blessed to have her as my sister, and incredibly blessed to be as close to her as I am. Our relationship is considerably different than it was four years ago before I elected to come up here for school, but it is different in an awesome way. Though no longer living across the hall from one another, we still maintain close contact-- the value in that cannot be quantified. She was able to come to Adorn with me this past friday, which is a college group at Reality Carp that meets once a week. It was my first time there since June and it was great to be back. The message and worship was mind-blowing, there will be another post on that in the very near future. Furthermore, my sister and I both got rocked by the Spirit, which was crazy awesome.

There is a meaning behind the title of this post, as I feel my life suffers from lack of consistency. As a result of being a college student, my schedule changes invariably throughout the day, and trying to coordinate that with another person is challenging to say the least. Furthermore, I have been experiencing ups and downs with lots of joy and with lots of despair. Tonight is a night of despair, while just 24 hours ago I was filled with joy at how beautiful God is. Something inside of me needs to change, I'm going to be praying to find out what exactly that is, but having extremes is not healthy and will only lead to more hurt and pain. Therefore, I need a God who will lift me up out of the miry clay and stand me up to worship Him. Thank goodness I'm not alone in this battle, as He is right here fighting alongside me. What great comfort that is!